Languishing: How I Spent My Time Off and What I Learned
Like many Americans, I’m just returning to work after nearly two weeks off for the holidays. As I got ready this morning, I found myself dreading the inevitable questions that would come with every meeting this week: “How was your time off? Did you do anything fun?” The truth is, I didn’t do much of anything, and I’m not sure I even enjoyed the break. When I say that out loud, I worry people will think I’m crazy. Who has two weeks away from work, does nothing, and doesn’t enjoy it? Hi, it’s me.
Heading into my vacation, I had grand plans: catching up on household tasks, binge-watching shows, finishing my current books (and probably starting new ones), having fun with my kids, and working on my private practice. The first few days were consumed with holiday festivities and preparations. After that, things took a different turn. Every morning I woke up with plans to tackle chores, read for hours, or finally finish my books to add to my Goodreads annual goal (which I was already failing). But instead, I’d get up, have coffee, scroll through my phone, or complete the NY Times Spelling Bee. Then, I’d get stuck.
I wanted to get things done, but I also wanted to rest. But what if I couldn’t do both? I became so focused on the idea that I’d waste my time off if I didn’t accomplish everything I “should” do. As a result, I spent days drifting through unstructured time, unsure if I was accomplishing anything, and feeling anxious as the days slipped away. The word that kept popping up in my mind: languishing.
What is Languishing?
Several years ago, I read an article in The New York Times by organizational psychologist Adam Grant, in which he described languishing during the pandemic. He defined it as “the neglected middle child of mental health, the space between depression and flourishing. It’s the absence of well-being. You’re not mentally ill, but you’re not thriving either. Your motivation is dulled, you struggle to focus, and you’re more likely to scale back on work”. I vividly remember feeling this way during the pandemic. Every evening, after logging off from work at home, I’d think, “I’m tired and I don’t want to do anything. And at the same time, if I have to sit in this living room all evening again, I might jump out of my skin.” I wasn’t depressed, but I certainly wasn’t thriving either.
Turning Things Around
By the time I realized this was what was happening during my time off, it was almost too late. There were only a couple of days left, and I wanted to make the most of them. I remembered some advice from Adam Grant on how to combat languishing. Two key things stood out to me: First, focus on small goals—set a simple goal for each day instead of overwhelming yourself with a massive to-do list for the entire two weeks. Second, carve out uninterrupted time to either relax or complete your to-dos. Additionally, I needed to recognize and appreciate the small wins of the day, no matter how insignificant they seemed.
For me, this meant making a checklist to track my daily accomplishments and noting something good that happened each day. Once I started doing that, I found myself back in a productive, balanced flow that I felt good about. And just like that, I felt like myself again—just in time for Monday.
Tips for Beating Languishing
If you think you might be struggling with languishing and want to get back to flourishing, here are some tips:
Assess Yourself: How are you feeling about your daily purpose or intentions?
Savor and Celebrate Small Wins: Take note of even the smallest victories, whether in your journal or in conversation with others.
Do 5 Good Deeds: Acts of kindness not only help others, but they can help us feel better too.
Seek Connection: Find communities or spaces where you feel seen and heard.
Find Purpose in Everyday Routines: What gives your life meaning? What do you look forward to each day?
Try Something New: Just do it—take a leap and try something out of your comfort zone!
By breaking the cycle of languishing, you can reignite your motivation and rediscover the joy in both productivity and relaxation.
-E
