Love, Respect and Boundaries: A Lesson from August That We Can All Learn From
My 17-year Old Holds School on Relationship Boundaries
Alright, so you know those moments as a parent when you're like, "Wow, I think I just witnessed a mature decision from my kid"? That was me last week, glowing proud when my 17-year-old son set a boundary with his boyfriend. That’s right—a boundary. He told his boyfriend, very respectfully, "Look, I care about you, and I can’t be the one responsible for your mental health." I’m like, “Where did this kid come from, and can he give a class in boundary-setting?”
Why This Is Such a Big Deal
The fact is, boundaries are hard! Most people struggle with them, adults included. When you care about someone, the natural impulse is to dive in and fix things, even if it means losing yourself in the process. But my son? At 17? He basically looked at this age-old emotional trap and said, “No, thanks.” He understood he could be supportive without turning into a full-time therapist, and honestly, this is like a next-level emotional ninja move. I couldn’t be more impressed.
What Setting Boundaries Teaches Teens (And Us) About Relationships
We talk about “boundaries” all the time – it’s not just some therapy buzzword. But what are they, really? For my son, setting a boundary meant recognizing that he could love and support someone without taking on all their issues. And that’s a lesson we all need, right? If you’re responsible for your own happiness and the other person is responsible for theirs, you’ve got a shot at a healthy, balanced relationship. It’s not only okay to say, “I’m here for you, but I also need to take care of me”—it’s actually what keeps relationships healthy.
Did I Do This?
Listen, I wish I could say this emotional wisdom just runs in the family, but honestly, it takes planting, tending, and growing. And at the same time, I think my son sprouted some of it on his own. Still, I’ll take a little credit where it’s due:
I Kept Communication Open: We talk about this stuff—relationships, mental health, all of it. And when he came to me about this situation, I didn’t try to “solve” it. I just listened. I sat with him and his sadness. I let him figure it out, and then subtly danced a victory lap out of his line of sight.
I Tried Not to Overload the Kid with Advice: Teens are allergic to too much advice, so I kept it simple. We talked about how being supportive doesn’t mean being a “savior.” Thank goodness he seemed to get it.
I Modeled Boundaries (most of the time ): I’m not saying I am a boundary guru but over the years, I’ve been learning to set limits in my own relationships, too. Maybe he picked up on some of that. Or maybe he’s just super perceptive. Either way, it’s working.
I Made Sure He Knew It’s OK to Get Professional Help: The fact is, as much as we want to help the people we love, sometimes the best support we can give is saying, “This sounds like something a therapist can really help with.” And he got it.
Proud and Amazed
Watching my son handle this was inspiring. Here he was, learning to respect his own needs without feeling guilty, setting a standard for himself. It’s like he said to the world, “I’m not a miracle worker, but I’m a pretty great boyfriend. Let’s keep things healthy.” So here’s to my kid, rocking the world with a well-timed boundary—and here’s to the rest of us, maybe learning a thing or two from him.
-K (with some help from August)
